The lies we tell ourselves

It is funny how we keep telling ourselves that everything is alright and that everything is gonna be alright. Is it really the truth? How can we know that something is going to be alright when we don't know what is going to happen?

We hope for the best and we work our butts off to make it happen to turn up good, but how can we be 100% sure about it? And why is it so hard to just trust faith and wait patiently for it to turn up good?

I've had lots of thoughts about what I want to happen in the future, I mean, things might change now, things that I planned or thought about doing in a certain way, may be happening differently now. Is it good? Is it bad? Who can tell?

I mean, my plan was to finish my swedish classes and go to university and study social work and that was it. But now, I face myself thinking that I maybe want a family, maybe I want get married, maybe I want to move somewhere else…

I always had this dream, even though I lie about it, that I would marry and have 2 kids. it didn't happen, I have one kid and I am too old to get married. But I still think about someone proposing to me in a restaurant, or at any public place, like the movies, where the other people would applaud and get as emotional as me, and I would say YES and we would live happily ever after.
Does happily ever after really exist?

I am not the kind of person who gives up, I try my best, the impossible, to fix things, to work it out, to make it better. Is everybody like that? Is him like that?
Would him give up at the first sign of difficult or problem? Would him fight for it? Would him see it is worth to try fixing it?
So many questions and so little answers.

I will keep lying to myself and saying that everything is alright and that everything is gonna be alright. It is easier that way, easier to cope with the everyday challenges and keep moving on.

Things are good, perfect, amazing. So that is not really a lie. Everything is alright, and why shouldn't things going to keep being alright? No reason. Cant find one. So maybe that isn't a lie, not totally a one.

I still dream of the restaurant or any public place. Silly girly dream. I am a girl after all. All girls dream of it, prince charming and stuff. I have a prince charming, as charming as possible, and even if I don't have the restaurant, he gave other "prince charming"stuff that are just as good.

So everything IS alright. Everything is GOING TO BE alright. because it is ME who decides it. Not my fear. Not my doubts. Only ME. And I have decided that all IS good and should keep this way.

:D