I wanna start a fight

This post is chronologically misplaced. It should come before the last one. Anyway…

I always heard that is really hard and not nice to get into an argument with me, because I end up crying, and then the person can't really have an argument with me.
On top of that. I HATE to fight, arguing or anything, I always break down and cry, with doesn't please me either.

But we had our first argument a couple of weeks ago, was kind of an over reaction and might have been unnecessary, however, I couldn't hold that feeling inside me and just watch he does absolutely nothing about the situation.

The good thing that came out of this, on my point of view, is that the argument brought us closer together. Or I like to think so.

We are making huge plans that will change and affect the life of many. Especially the kids. I asked if he was 100% sure about all that and if he thought it was a good thing for us, relationship wise-speaking. He said yes to both questions, with made me very happy, because I feel likewise, but still…

I got jealous about he skyping with an old school friend (female), and not to mention that I don't know why he is still Facebook friends with the indian bitch. I mean, apparently they have no contact and don't intend to have, so WHAT THE FUCK???
He said he could delete her from his list. Did he does it? I don't know. But I hope so.
And about the Skype one, I said there is no need for them to Skype, can talk, chat, ring each other, why Skype??? Doenst make sense to me.

Yea yea, is the jealousy speaking, but I don't give a fuck!

Love me like you do

I just want to say, and for the record, that I am having the most amazing and incredible relationship ever!
I feel so happy and complete that sometimes I am afraid of think it out loud and the universe shows me that, no girl! Not your turn yet!

I am just so thankful for having met him and finally, after all the broke heart and crying myself to sleep nights, I be able to fall asleep and wake up with a smile on my lips.

Thanks baby for all the days. You have no idea how happy you are making me!! <3

Dream on

In some cultures, people believe that, what you dream is a prediction what is about to happen to you or t someone close to you. In others, they believe that, what you dream, is the opposite of what is gonna happen. I am not sure in with one I believe, but I have had proof that, my dreams have come true.

I took a nap this morning, because I slept vey bad last night, and then I dreamt we were in Brazil, at my aunt's house, for a bbq or a lunch party or whatever, and then, out of the blue, he asks for everybody attention, get down in one knee and propose to me. Unbeliavable!
I mean, of course I want to be ask to marry someone, and that would be amazing if it happen someday. Not that I want t marry or anything like that, but just to have the knowledge that someone is willing to sure his life with you, is a big thing.

But then, today, after my nap, I sent him a text on whatsapp, all loving and happy, calling him love and shit, wishing a good day at work. And his answer: "morning, tack". WTF????

That was so cold that I actually felt it from here!
Maybe its just my head, but like, yesterday, evening, before the good night text we always send to each other, things were very warm, actually hot. And then, this morning, this. Who can understand?
I surely don't!

On top of that, my daughter's father continue to be a complete asshole and can't help me with anything. I am so tired of it. I am tired of having to always fix things by myself and have no appreciation for it whatsoever.

I am mad, angry, sad, and suspicious. For many reasons. For no reasons at all. Today is not a good day for me. I should have kept sleeping...

I do!

Do you know when you were a little girl and all what you wanted was to meet prince charming, and have the wedding of a princess? Yes, I do too. But for years ago my so-called prince charming destroyed all my dreams and hopes of having it, and since then, I have been a lot skeptical about finding it again.

Even with the relationships I had after all what happened with him, I never thought of it anymore, was more a chance of not being alone and having someone to share to share the good and bad.

And then, i got a daughter, age came, and all of that shit stayed behind me, I never thought about it, or dreamed about it, or hoped of it.

And then, year 2015, 21st century, me, 31 years old, almost 32, caught myself dreaming about it again. Is it even possible? Not that I want a wedding or a prince charming, but it is good to have that butterfly feeling once again. The longing, the excitement, the wait…
It is real good to wake up with some good new and have someone to share it with. Or to be sad, or mad, or worried about something and have someone to talk it over. It is just good to have someone there o listen to you.

And on top of that, see someone with my daughter, treating her as his own, playing, talking, taking care of her. reading bed stories, cooking food, the very simples tasks in life.
Can someone not like -to not say love- someone that does it? I do not think so.

And then I see myself looking at him as my prince charming. With all his flaws and things I don't even like, but still I do!

It is funny, cause I locked myself so hard and back for all those feelings, and now I can't avoid on imagining how would be to wake up next to him everyday, and just saying good bye to have him back at night, everyday… Its just weird. been so long since I had this feeling, that I don't know how to cope.
Is it hard? Is it too soon? Am I being silly and stupid and will be broke again? I don't know.
I just know that, I am so happy, and the butterflies in my tummy doesn't scare me anymore, in fact, they give the best feeling I could ever. A feeling that I had once, and lost. A feeling that, I have wanted to find again, been searching so hard and in so many places… and now it is here, as close as possible.

Then why am I still skeptical and scared? Not sure. But that makes things more exciting! I, for many times, caught myself smiling for apparently no reason, and then when i think about it, I know why. I remember him playing with the kids, reading to them, cooking to them, being silly with them, making jokes about people walking by, or even our silly  inside jokes", that only us laugh about. And then come them again, the butterflies, and GOD! How amazing they are!

Been so long that I saw the world so colorful, sometimes I think I am seeing too much. I really hope not. because I honestly say that I am having one of the best times of my life, and even the problems seems to be easier now, because I am happy! And happiness is the best feeling ever! I didn't even know how good it is, been so long. And I am SO happy that I am happy again, that I just wanna cry!

But not today! Today I am smiling, and will be tomorrow, and hopefully for many days after that. Maybe I will be happily ever after. who knows?!

:D