After one month...

One month has passed and things couldn't be better, although I still feel bad and guilty because of the money situation. I mean, he knows I don't have money, but still I feel bad because we keep buying stuff for the house or for us and the kids, and I don't help with a thing!
A friend have said that, if he feel that I am taking some sort of advantage of the situation, he would tell me and we would talk about, but still I feel bad and wish I could do more.

Is not like I don't do anything and just sit home and spend his money. NO WAY! I do my things. I have got a job, not a real job, but will bring us some extra money once I start it, and I do stuff at home, I take care of the kids, sometimes of the food, I take care of the house, I buy some food and stuff... Is not like I just sit here and wait for him to bring the card and lets go shopping!
I hope he sees that and be sure that this situation is temporarily, and that once CSN get back on track with my payments and I start work a few hours everyday I will be able to do more and help more.

It feel so bad, and I wanna cry and get on a bad mood everytime we go and buy something and he is the one who have to pay. Today we went to IKEA and bought some stuff, including the beds for the kids, he paid all, and I felt so horrible that I was quiet and pretending I was sleeping all the way back home. A hour drive back to Halmstad and I was there, sitting, in silence...

I hope that his "very nice way"of being a person doesn't get on the way of he telling me and talking about stuff that bother him or that we could do differently.... I really hope so. He said he would talk to me bout everything and about stuff that he doesn't like. But I know he doesn't want to make anyone mad or upset, so maybe he avoid it... But I like to think that, if he couldn't afford to buy those stuff, he wouldn't, and then he would wait until I had the money so we could share the expenses...

I feel really bad because I haven't gave hm my half of the rent this month. I asked him how much I should give to him, he just said: "we check it later tonight", and it was 2 days ago, and he haven't mentioned a thing about it... and we kept buying stuff... I mean, now I don't have even my half of the rent anymore, because I didn't get paid this month, and only had some money left from last month, and paid my personal bills (phone, CSN, etc), and now I have a lot less left...

Maybe this guilty and this bad feeling is just in my mind, I don't know. But I am feeling very bad and worried that this money situation will affect somehow the relationship. Everyone knows that money is number 1 cause of many arguments.... But I hope he will tell me when this become an issue. I want to believe that if he hasn't talked to me, is because it isn't an issue yet.

I REALLY hope so!

Chapter one

Its been almost 3 weeks since the moving, and it feels great!
However, those stupid thoughts run in and out off of my mind, and sometimes I think he regretted his decision of moving in together, even though he said the other day that he never been happier.
Ok, maybe he is not jumping and singing and shouting out the whole time how happy he is and how amazing it all is, but...

I don't that either, but I feel so insecure... I think that he feels I am too lazy, that I sleep too much, that I could do more as a "housewife", but really...
It is so hard  to know exactly what others are thinking, and sometimes its is better not to think about it, but how can I manage not to do that?/
I am a mess, and all that anxiety and worries just make me feel so bad, when I should be enjoying the best thing that ever happened to me!!!