Yes! I do have trust issues. I have a hard time trusting people and open up to them. But I do it anyway. And the bad thing is that I always end up hurt.
I mean... why is it so hard for people to tell the truth? I don’t believe in this bullshit that you lie to protect someone, to not hurt them... if the truth hurts, lies worse! And that’s it!
I’m trying, I have kept my mouth shot a million times, I suffer in silence when no one is around. Just because things seems to be good.
But are they really?
Am I just creating this weird fantasy in my head that everything is going to be fine when at anytime it can come crashing down on me?
Maybe I’m not used to be happy. Or have things going good to me. Maybe I’m just afraid... hard to tell.
I just have this feeling inside. This doubt. This insecurity. This uncertainty that at any moment all will be gone. As always.
I try not to care, I try to listen to what is said, I try to see the signs... but everything is so mixed up. So FUCKED UP! I just wish I could know for sure.
I don’t wanna to feel like a burden anymore. Like I destroyed something just because I took a decision that affect many lives. I want it to be true. To be sincere. To give me peace.
Enough with the doubts. Enough!
Many in appropriate and disrespectful things I have seen, and heard, and read... it I’m still trying to trust. Still trying to build it up.
Am I the only one doing that?
Will be wrong if I just say “fuck off” and walk away?
/A
