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A year ago, I was laying at the hospital, crying, with no feelings of living or whatever. 365 days has passed since that horrible birthday day, and I am in a different situation now. I am happy, old though :D

I could celebrate my birthday with my daughter, be able to smile and enjoy her happiness by singing happy birthday to me. I could appreciate the fact that my boyfriend came home to me in the morning with flowers and chocolate and the cutest card EVER! Couldn't be any happier!!!

So many things are happening… so many feelings are inside of me right me now, that its is overwhelming at same time it is good.

We are gonna move in together, in december, gonna be so good fall asleep and wake up beside him every day… can hardly wait for this to happens.

I am so happy with him and I feel like I love him, and want to tell that. But to say "i love you"might implicate so many other things… Is it to soon? Will him be scared? Feel him the same?
I am afraid of saying it and ruin all, and we have it all so good that I don't want to make it go away…

And I also want to be with him, forever, or at least for many years… does he feel the same? hard to know. I mean, I know he likes me, that he is happy with me and all. But does he think about stay with me? Does he know I want a ring and a proposal?

I don't want a diamond ring or a fancy big wedding. I just want a ring, a proposal, feel that feeling, cry happy tears… I might do it myself, buy the ring and propose to him. Is it to desperate? HAHA of course it is…
I am sure he will surprise me sometime, that I am sure… but just the feeling of it might happen is so good… I dream about it almost everyday, the day I will carry a ring on my left finger and show to people and say: "yes, I am going to get married". The marriage might never happen, with I really don't care, but I want to be engaged, for the right reasons,,, with the right person…

Been so long I felt this about someone, I mean, can't even remember when was the last time I had all those feelings for someone… it is so good, I can't even describe. I am just gibberishing words here, can't put what I am feeling in to words…
But who sees me, who looks me in the eyes, see that I am beyond happy. That I smile for no reason, that I fall asleep smiling looking at pictures…

If it isn't happiness, I don't what it is then!

:D

The North Pole

On this same day, a year ago, I was sitting on the plane crying my eyes out, can't really explain why, but that was the start of a breaking down that lasted 2 months and took me the psychiatric emergency on my birthday…
Funny how things can change in just 365 days, a year. I am so happy today and making plans and dreaming about so many stuff that is kinds scary.

That trip to Umeå somehow helped me, all the shit I been through after that trip also helped me and made me grown as a person and human being… I feel sorry for some actions and words I said, but all that was something I had to go through to be who I am today, a year after, and to be able to appreciate what came after all that!

We are moving in together, starting a family, a new family, us! That will happen in december. I must confess I am scared, things seems to be happening fast, but at the same time it feels safe. Seems and feels that we already know each other so well, that would be a waste of time to wait longer to make it happen.

On the other hand, with all that, another thing came back to my mind. I want get married. Not exactly  wedding, but I want he to propose, give me a ring, promise he will stay with me forever, till dead tear us apart… Will it happen? I am not sure, but I am happy right now.
Maybe is just more a status thing,  o maybe is because I never been on this position, I don't know… But would be so nice to celebrate our love with the loved ones, family and close friends, and I would be thrilled of course!
But it is not important, I think it is more important that we both respect each other and want to make it work and we are doing whatever it takes to make it happen. If a proposal or marriage happens, will just to seal what we already have, and nothing else. I really don't need it, but I want to. Will be just as happy without, but…

:D:D:D:D:D