One day away from Christmas, and I am sitting home alone eating chips and drinking coke. How fun!
I decided to spend it alone, I am on break from school, so I felt the need to take some time to myself and rest as much as possible before little miss sunshine comes back from the holidays with her father.
Is not a very nice feeling to be alone on Christmas, but I am sure a lot of other people spend it alone, and not by their choice, but maybe because they don't have any family left or any reason to celebrate it. Too many war, killing, sadness and loneliness in this world.
I will still pray for God to bless all and everybody and be happy with the birth of His son, Jesus, but I am kind of homesick.
I might travel to Brasil next year, for a couple of weeks, maybe a month. Haven't decided yet. Will be good to be home, but I will look forward to come back. I don't belong there anymore. I may not belong here either. Guess I had too much time to myself to think, and I am just tripping around with weird thoughts! :)
Anyway…. Merry Christmas people. may God bless all of you and your families and beloved ones!
tisdag 23 december 2014
fredag 12 december 2014
Dog days are over
Got to know yesterday that my aunt's dog, Pudin, will be put to sleep. Not a very good thing to know, but will be better, since he is old and in pain…
Other than that, yesterday someone sent me not one, but TWO text message, and I know it sounds like I am overreacting, but it totally made my day. It has been a while since I was hoping to unlock my phone and see the sms message there and be THIS message. :)
And today I have a 2:30h very pleasant phone conversation, maybe new years eve will actually bring something new this year! ;)
Friday again, and this week I finished my SFI classes and finally can move on to the next classes I must take before I can go to University here. I know I have been thinking about not study more, since I have already done a quite amount of the of studying before, but it seems it will increase my chances, so why not? And family said that I am not too old to study something new, with I disagree, but what the hell?!
Nothing happen in this little Ängelholm, so no new on that front. SoA is over, that is the only new thing that have happened since I got the information that have finished SFI.
So this post have a huge chance of going to the most-boring-ever-written-post-ever hall of fame.
But keep racing, maybe in a few days, we can have something even more boring!
Other than that, yesterday someone sent me not one, but TWO text message, and I know it sounds like I am overreacting, but it totally made my day. It has been a while since I was hoping to unlock my phone and see the sms message there and be THIS message. :)
And today I have a 2:30h very pleasant phone conversation, maybe new years eve will actually bring something new this year! ;)
Friday again, and this week I finished my SFI classes and finally can move on to the next classes I must take before I can go to University here. I know I have been thinking about not study more, since I have already done a quite amount of the of studying before, but it seems it will increase my chances, so why not? And family said that I am not too old to study something new, with I disagree, but what the hell?!
Nothing happen in this little Ängelholm, so no new on that front. SoA is over, that is the only new thing that have happened since I got the information that have finished SFI.
So this post have a huge chance of going to the most-boring-ever-written-post-ever hall of fame.
But keep racing, maybe in a few days, we can have something even more boring!
lördag 6 december 2014
T.G.I.F
Oh! Wait!!
It is saturday already! I just missed one day sleeping… how good is that?! :D
Had a pleasant friday evening with lots of chocolate, candy, chips and 2L of coke and movies. All by myself. Lovely isn't it?
Nah… Not really, sometimes loneliness doesn't fit me very well. But it was nice and relaxing and it is good to have some relaxing time before the 4 days of test at school next week. Feeling like I am back in high school. Wich is not good. At all.
Had very strangers and nice dreams last night. With 3 different people in it. Woke up smiling. And today I am blessed with the worse migraine of all times! I just love my saturday.
Been wraping Christmas presents for Miss my daughter almost the whole day, how can someone with only 5 years of existence get so many presents? I can't figure out. And guess if I wrapped any for me? NOPE
I don't get any present apparently. And it is still one present left to be bought, and I have no idea what to buy to this particular person. But either way, hope this person likes whatever I buy. It is not about the material present actually, is just to let this person know I care and have always been thinking about this person. *surprise*
Well, now I am just lay down on my very small, but yet much comfortable, sofa and start a marathon of this lame, but yet intriguing, old Tv-serie named 'Supernatural'.
And will probably have problems to sleep later tonight, with all the spirits and demons in this show.
But hey! Who doesn't?!
Laterz
It is saturday already! I just missed one day sleeping… how good is that?! :D
Had a pleasant friday evening with lots of chocolate, candy, chips and 2L of coke and movies. All by myself. Lovely isn't it?
Nah… Not really, sometimes loneliness doesn't fit me very well. But it was nice and relaxing and it is good to have some relaxing time before the 4 days of test at school next week. Feeling like I am back in high school. Wich is not good. At all.
Had very strangers and nice dreams last night. With 3 different people in it. Woke up smiling. And today I am blessed with the worse migraine of all times! I just love my saturday.
Been wraping Christmas presents for Miss my daughter almost the whole day, how can someone with only 5 years of existence get so many presents? I can't figure out. And guess if I wrapped any for me? NOPE
I don't get any present apparently. And it is still one present left to be bought, and I have no idea what to buy to this particular person. But either way, hope this person likes whatever I buy. It is not about the material present actually, is just to let this person know I care and have always been thinking about this person. *surprise*
Well, now I am just lay down on my very small, but yet much comfortable, sofa and start a marathon of this lame, but yet intriguing, old Tv-serie named 'Supernatural'.
And will probably have problems to sleep later tonight, with all the spirits and demons in this show.
But hey! Who doesn't?!
Laterz
torsdag 4 december 2014
I can't stop this feeling...
Quote of the day: "I pretend I am not hurt and go about the world like I am fun".
Sounds as sad as it is. not that I don't have fun, I do have fun, but I have this constant feeling that I am not whole, that is always something missing there. but I am not sure where "there"is.
Complicated.
Have a good and relaxing day at home, slept the most, with I much needed, should study some, but where is the energy to do that? Not here ladies and gentlemen.
Finally friday tomorrow, with means I have to run and do a lot of things that should have had been done on the other 4 days of the week, but mehhh, better do all at once. In a rush! Feels more alive! -not
Haven't started Christmas shopping yet, thinking about doing some tomorrow, and take advantage of the fact that little Miss is not home, so I can shopping relaxed and actually chose things with a lot less of sparkles and glitter! :D Gonna love this little girl!
Got in touch with a friend from my childhood, and it was SOOOOO nice! A lot of memories brought back, happy moments, the fact that he was really annoying and never let me sleep in peace, that he was always teasing me together with my brother. Good times. Wish I was 13 again…
He said he is heart broken. Can't believe it, he was the most and bigger 15 years old womanizer that i ever met, hard to believe that he is now actually crying over a girl. But I guess time changes people, as I said to him about myself.
It was just wonderful talk to him again, and laugh and remember how easy it was to sneak at nights, after our parents was sleeping, and stole their cars and drive around the neighborhood, a dangerous feeling that we will never get back.
Or when he skipped school without his mom knowledge just to watch The X-files with me, and then I had to walk with him in the middle of the night back to his apartment, because he was afraid of the aliens. HAHAHAHA GOLDEN times!
Now I am the one afraid, but none is here to walk me home in the middle of the night. But this ok. Life is about us getting to face our fears, so I am facing mine.
This is getting too too deep. Time to stop!!
PEACE :)
Sounds as sad as it is. not that I don't have fun, I do have fun, but I have this constant feeling that I am not whole, that is always something missing there. but I am not sure where "there"is.
Complicated.
Have a good and relaxing day at home, slept the most, with I much needed, should study some, but where is the energy to do that? Not here ladies and gentlemen.
Finally friday tomorrow, with means I have to run and do a lot of things that should have had been done on the other 4 days of the week, but mehhh, better do all at once. In a rush! Feels more alive! -not
Haven't started Christmas shopping yet, thinking about doing some tomorrow, and take advantage of the fact that little Miss is not home, so I can shopping relaxed and actually chose things with a lot less of sparkles and glitter! :D Gonna love this little girl!
Got in touch with a friend from my childhood, and it was SOOOOO nice! A lot of memories brought back, happy moments, the fact that he was really annoying and never let me sleep in peace, that he was always teasing me together with my brother. Good times. Wish I was 13 again…
He said he is heart broken. Can't believe it, he was the most and bigger 15 years old womanizer that i ever met, hard to believe that he is now actually crying over a girl. But I guess time changes people, as I said to him about myself.
It was just wonderful talk to him again, and laugh and remember how easy it was to sneak at nights, after our parents was sleeping, and stole their cars and drive around the neighborhood, a dangerous feeling that we will never get back.
Or when he skipped school without his mom knowledge just to watch The X-files with me, and then I had to walk with him in the middle of the night back to his apartment, because he was afraid of the aliens. HAHAHAHA GOLDEN times!
Now I am the one afraid, but none is here to walk me home in the middle of the night. But this ok. Life is about us getting to face our fears, so I am facing mine.
This is getting too too deep. Time to stop!!
PEACE :)
onsdag 3 december 2014
Not a Happy Birthday
Today is my uncle's birthday. Or it would be if he was alive. He died at the age of 54, almost 2 years ago, of a cancer. For smoking.
Me and him, after I grown up, wasn't that close anymore, don't know really why, but it was like that.
The worse thing for me when he died,, was to watch my grandmother, his mother, suffer and grief so intensely that just broke my heart in a zillion pieces.
I find it so horrible to watch someone you love to suffer. It is worse than suffer yourself. And you can't do anything about it. You can't take away their pain or make it better in any way.
Watch a mother cry over a dead kid was the most painful thing that I ever watched! :(
I was working when I got the notice. Over a text message. Who does that?? I answer you: my brother.
He was desperate! He got the new over the phone from my aunt, and then he had to tell my father, my uncle's big brother, I can't imagine how hard it was for him to bring it up to my father. And he said that my fat he sat there for hours without saying a word, or crying or showing any feelings or movement whatsoever! Somehow I am kind relived I wasn't there.
And to make things even better, the day after, when we were suppose to be at my uncle's wake, I found out my former boyfriend was cheating on me. How life can be fun!
Anyway, my uncle should be 55 today. it's sad to see people you love go away. I am not good with loss. I can't understand why people have to leave. It is not fair. It just isn't.
And when you live far away from your family seems all those feelings and emotions get to you even harder. Cant explain It is just so.
Hope someday I learn, by faith, destiny, religion, or whatever is out there, how to handle all this. For now, I just feel sad, and can't help the fact that my grandmother must be going all through the grieving process all over again when she realizes that todays is his birthday. Or was.
Wish I could do something to take this away from her. but I can't. And I hate when I can't do stuff. I just hate it. And what people keep telling me is that he is in a better place. How can they know it? Noone that I am aware of have ever came back from the dead to say that there, wherever there is, is a better place. Better place compared to what? To the love of your friends and family that you left crying over the loss??? Cant imagine it better.
But unless he is not in pain anymore. That is a good thing. Maybe this "there place"is a place where pain doesn't exist. Than there is absolutely a better place. I better believe this way. Should make things easy.
Me and him, after I grown up, wasn't that close anymore, don't know really why, but it was like that.
The worse thing for me when he died,, was to watch my grandmother, his mother, suffer and grief so intensely that just broke my heart in a zillion pieces.
I find it so horrible to watch someone you love to suffer. It is worse than suffer yourself. And you can't do anything about it. You can't take away their pain or make it better in any way.
Watch a mother cry over a dead kid was the most painful thing that I ever watched! :(
I was working when I got the notice. Over a text message. Who does that?? I answer you: my brother.
He was desperate! He got the new over the phone from my aunt, and then he had to tell my father, my uncle's big brother, I can't imagine how hard it was for him to bring it up to my father. And he said that my fat he sat there for hours without saying a word, or crying or showing any feelings or movement whatsoever! Somehow I am kind relived I wasn't there.
And to make things even better, the day after, when we were suppose to be at my uncle's wake, I found out my former boyfriend was cheating on me. How life can be fun!
Anyway, my uncle should be 55 today. it's sad to see people you love go away. I am not good with loss. I can't understand why people have to leave. It is not fair. It just isn't.
And when you live far away from your family seems all those feelings and emotions get to you even harder. Cant explain It is just so.
Hope someday I learn, by faith, destiny, religion, or whatever is out there, how to handle all this. For now, I just feel sad, and can't help the fact that my grandmother must be going all through the grieving process all over again when she realizes that todays is his birthday. Or was.
Wish I could do something to take this away from her. but I can't. And I hate when I can't do stuff. I just hate it. And what people keep telling me is that he is in a better place. How can they know it? Noone that I am aware of have ever came back from the dead to say that there, wherever there is, is a better place. Better place compared to what? To the love of your friends and family that you left crying over the loss??? Cant imagine it better.
But unless he is not in pain anymore. That is a good thing. Maybe this "there place"is a place where pain doesn't exist. Than there is absolutely a better place. I better believe this way. Should make things easy.
tisdag 2 december 2014
Life goes on
Finally something is happening! YAY!
Not that nothing happens exactly, but you know what I mean! :P
In a week I will be finally over with the boring swedish for immigrants classes and can move on with my educational life. Can't wait for that!
Other than that, Sweden is cold and dark, think this time of the year is the worse. Not snowing yet here, with is Boring, little one is really looking forward to catch some snow, so hopefully will snow anytime soon, otherwise I will have to travel up north to show her the real deal.
My head full with those same thoughts about "you know who", been even dreaming about 2 nights in a row. *SUCKS*
Buuuut, it also shall pass. I must believe it.
I am trying to think very positively about everything and really believe that it is their lost. I am just an amazing human being and deserve to be happy. And I am pursuing my happiness, and will not let anything or anyone get on the way of it!
But I really miss him :( And it sucks to not have anyone to text god morning or good night, or to text to tell that stupid thing that happened to you in the middle of the day, or how happy you are because of everything that is happening with you…
I wonder if he even comes here to this page and read something, or check my instagram/facebook sometimes… But cannot do more than wonder. And when I think about it, comes a following thought: FUCK HIM!
So I think I will keep with the last one! :D
Feels better this way anyway :)
Soon Christmas and Santa Claus :) Love!
Be kind with one another!
Not that nothing happens exactly, but you know what I mean! :P
In a week I will be finally over with the boring swedish for immigrants classes and can move on with my educational life. Can't wait for that!
Other than that, Sweden is cold and dark, think this time of the year is the worse. Not snowing yet here, with is Boring, little one is really looking forward to catch some snow, so hopefully will snow anytime soon, otherwise I will have to travel up north to show her the real deal.
My head full with those same thoughts about "you know who", been even dreaming about 2 nights in a row. *SUCKS*
Buuuut, it also shall pass. I must believe it.
I am trying to think very positively about everything and really believe that it is their lost. I am just an amazing human being and deserve to be happy. And I am pursuing my happiness, and will not let anything or anyone get on the way of it!
But I really miss him :( And it sucks to not have anyone to text god morning or good night, or to text to tell that stupid thing that happened to you in the middle of the day, or how happy you are because of everything that is happening with you…
I wonder if he even comes here to this page and read something, or check my instagram/facebook sometimes… But cannot do more than wonder. And when I think about it, comes a following thought: FUCK HIM!
So I think I will keep with the last one! :D
Feels better this way anyway :)
Soon Christmas and Santa Claus :) Love!
Be kind with one another!
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