Ego Buster

yes I do that. All the music videos, tags on Facebook and Instagram, text messages...
But at the same time I am expressing my feelings. That’s who I am!

The moment I go silent is when all is gone. When I have no feelings whatsoever left to express or show.
When tears wont fall down at every thought...

So don’t take it for granted. Appreciate. Be thankful. Take into consideration that even from distance I care, I do and I feel.

/A

No title

its strange how that saying “you only see the value when it’s gone” seems to be extremely right at this moment!

Not that I have lost anything, but it seems and feels that things are just going away. Slipping through my finger....

New things are coming. The excitement is real. But is what I want? Is it what I need? Who knows?!

It’s been a while since I have this peace of mind and trusted much in designe to be able to feel so calm and wait for whatever is about to come.
Is a good feeling. But also a scary one.

I just wish my door bell to ring out of nowhere, and I open the door be caught by surprise by him... coming to my arms as he never left...

A person can dream, right?

Dream on, dream on. Dream on untill your dreams come true....

/A

Let it go

we come to a point that doesn’t matter how much we care, how much we love, how much we try or how much we want. We just have to let it go.

Let it go things that hurt you. Is not because you want something that this thing is made for you.

I need to learn that. To let things go...

/A

Simple As That

You got me sippin' on something
I can't compare to nothing
I've ever known, I'm hoping
That after this fever I'll survive
I know I'm acting a bit crazy
Strung out, a little bit hazy
Hand over heart, I'm praying
That I'm gonna make it out alive

The bed's getting cold and you're not here
The future that we hold is so unclear
But I'm not alive until you call
And I'll bet the odds against it all
Save your advice 'cause I won't hear
You might be right but I don't care
There's a million reasons why I should give you up
But the heart wants what it wants
The heart wants what it wants

You got me scattered in pieces
Shining like stars and screaming
Lighting me up like Venus
But then you disappear and make me wait
And every second's like torture
Hell over trip, no more so
Finding a way to let go
Baby, baby, no I can't escape

The bed's getting cold and you're not here
The future that we hold is so unclear
But I'm not alive until you call
And I'll bet the odds against it all
Save your advice 'cause I won't hear
You might be right but I don't care
There's a million reasons why I should give you up
But the heart wants what it wants
The heart wants what it wants
The heart wants what it wants
The heart wants what it wants

This is a modern fairy tale
No happy endings
No wind in our sails
But I can't imagine a life without
Breathless moments
Breaking me down, down, down, down

The bed's getting cold and you're not here
The future that we hold is so unclear
But I'm not alive until you call
And I'll bet the odds against it all
Save your advice 'cause I won't hear
You might be right but I don't care
There's a million reasons why I should give you up
But the heart wants what it wants
The heart wants what it wants
The heart wants what it wants
The heart wants what it wants

The heart wants what it wants, baby
It wants what it wants, baby
It wants what it wants
It wants what it wants

The heart wants what it wants, baby
It wants what it wants

WEIGHING

Today was not a good day. For many reasons.
One of my cats is apparently sick and I am really worried about it.
Have the money situation....
And then B came here for us to talk.

Although it feels like i took a hundred kilos off of my shoulders, it still feels like I still got a lot to carry.

I said what I wanted to say (or most of it), I showed my feelings, I have been true to my self and him. And this makes me relived.

But still... it shouldn't be like this.

My cat was not suppose to be sick. I shouldn't need to worry about money, and B should be here.

But I have learnt a long time ago, and not in a nice way, that life isn't always what or how we want it to be.
And sometimes if you have to let it go. And not because you want it gone, but because you need to feel better.

A person is not good for yourself if she/he makes you cry, lie to you, manipulate you, hurt you and play you. I FUCKING KNOW THAT!

So why I still feel heavy? Why at the same time I feel i took all the weight off I still feel like carrying the world on my shoulders?

Some questions will never be answered. Some will never be asked.
I have to learn. I must try. Harder.

I just wish I was not that broken...

/A

Been There Done That

Its really funny how humans keep putting themselves in already known situations. Situations that they know will lead to disappointment and pain and sorrow.

I thought I was doing fine. That finally things where falling into the right places, but NOOOOOO
I have to get hit right on my fucking face and fall down to the ground just to get up again.

I am tired of it. I just want to walk straight and not fall anymore.

Cant understand this bad karma or whatever this is.
Religion doesn't explain it to me, friends either, I, myself, can't find the answers I am looking for.

nd the only thing I wanted was to be chosen. To be loved. To be someones first choice... Just for once...