WEIGHING

Today was not a good day. For many reasons.
One of my cats is apparently sick and I am really worried about it.
Have the money situation....
And then B came here for us to talk.

Although it feels like i took a hundred kilos off of my shoulders, it still feels like I still got a lot to carry.

I said what I wanted to say (or most of it), I showed my feelings, I have been true to my self and him. And this makes me relived.

But still... it shouldn't be like this.

My cat was not suppose to be sick. I shouldn't need to worry about money, and B should be here.

But I have learnt a long time ago, and not in a nice way, that life isn't always what or how we want it to be.
And sometimes if you have to let it go. And not because you want it gone, but because you need to feel better.

A person is not good for yourself if she/he makes you cry, lie to you, manipulate you, hurt you and play you. I FUCKING KNOW THAT!

So why I still feel heavy? Why at the same time I feel i took all the weight off I still feel like carrying the world on my shoulders?

Some questions will never be answered. Some will never be asked.
I have to learn. I must try. Harder.

I just wish I was not that broken...

/A