It was your birthday yesterday and I have a lot of thoughts about what I wanted to do.
But all felt useless. Meaningless. Why?
You don't even text me to check if I am ok. I told you the most devastating news I had lately and the only thing you said was "sorry to hear that".
How someone can go from I love you and I am here for you no matter what, to I don't care?
Please explain that to me!
I really want to wish happiness and a good life and all the good things in the world, but spite the fact that I love you, I hate you. And I want you to suffer. Physically, Emotionally. Just like I did. and still do.
You have no idea how much pain I have been through this last 8 months. Sounds stupid to think that someone would be hurt after a break up for so long. But for me was real. For me was what I wanted and had. For me was the last time I had to think about that I would cry over someone again. And here I am. 8 months later, on your birthday, crying my eyes out because I can't be with you. Because you couldn't care less about what I have to say.
I know you are happy, and for seconds, sometimes, it gives me some kind of comfort. I never wish you bad. And never will. I love you. And always will.
I just wish this pain would be gone, that I wouldn't morn every fucking day of my life. That waking up wouldn't be the worst part of my day. That going to sleep wouldn't feel so lonely and empty.
I wish you a happy birthday. A happy life. But I want to be there. Forever. I care about you, your son, your family, your week-being. DO you do the same? I don't think so. I am most certain you don't. And you don't do anything to show me the opposite.
I never thought I could hate you, but I do now. Your lack of compassion, empath, sympathy just prove to me that I have been wrong about you all along. Although I love you. With all of me.
Happy birthday!
